IN MRACH I TALKIGN A INNERFEIW WIHT NIKC VERTUS GRAVITY ADN I NEFFER POTS IT BECASE IT BOOORRRIGNK!!!! YUO CAN RAEDIGN IT IF YUO LEIK TO THUOGH!!! ASLO HERS A PICTURE OF HIM SO YUO KNOWIGN!!!!
ANON: I WILL WRITIGN A INNERFEEW FOR YOU LATERS BUT I JUTS WANTE DTO SAY HALLO FIRTS
NVG: well, i hope i make for an entertaining interview.
ANON: HOLY JOSH LOOK AT YOU LATS NAME HOW DOES YOU EEVEN MAKIGN THAT NOISE WITH YOUR MOUTHS???
NVG: you need a vuvuzela to really do it right
ANON: OH GOOD ANSER THIS WILL BE A FUNN FOR GOODS
NVG:
ANON:OK AND YES NOW WE HALF A ROLLIGN SO GOOD!!! WHAT IS IT ABOUT A CYCELIGN THAT MAKE YOU SAY I WANTIGN TO DO THAT??? WHY YOU SAY I WANTIGN TO BE A GUY WITH A SUPPER HERO COTSUME AND GO REALLY FATSS???
NVG: when i was a young lad, i would see the guys in their superhero costumes pedaling across the french countryside on tv, they looked really cool, with their little caps, and their faces of suffering, and their podium girls, and their supple cadences. i always wanted to do that, but i was always too giant to do it, until i became not too giant (but still comparatively oversized), so i got my own superhero costume and started trying to go really fast all the time. then i was hooked.
-then i started racing cyclocross because my friend @moneynstuff incepted the idea into my mind and made me convince myself i wanted to get another bicycle and ride it in sand pits.
ANON: OH YES I LIKIGN A GOOD SAND PITHS THEY MAKES FOR SOME GOOD HECKLES!!! SO WHAT IS YOUR PLANNS FOR THIS SEASONS??? IS YOU MAKIGN A TARGETS FOR ROADIE OR FOR CYCOLCORSS OR FOR BOTHS??
NVG: the worst(/best) is when you get heckled by other riders in the sand pit!
quite frankly, the road is my first priority for the year. much as ray lewis, linebacker for the ravens, starts off every game by eating some grass off of the field (the better to know your field of battle), i have to say that i find the pavement much more delicious. i am also much more well-suited to crit racing. however, i found cross to be both fun and difficult and am looking forward to another season. hopefully i will be able to spend less time falling down and more time riding sand pits.
ANON: OK SO IF YOU IS MAKIGN A PRIORRATY ON A ROADS AND CRIBS THAN WHAT IS YOU TYPIKAL TRAINIGN DAYS LIKE?? WHO IS YOU TRAINIGN BUDDYS???
NVG: it’s hard to pin down “typical,” but most days my training involves waking up before the dawn, breaking a plate over my head, and then riding laps at hains point dragging a monster truck tire behind my bike. i will then take a break, have an espresso, and spend the rest of the morning motorpacing police motorcycles around the city. my exclusive training buddy is the fox that lives along the point. he holds up time cards telling me how i am doing in comparison to my record times, but i could be just hallucinating that.
ANON: OK THIS SOUNGDIGN PRETTY APICS! SO WAHT TEAM IS YOU RIDIGN FORS>>??
NVG: i ride for the National Capital Velo Club/United Healthcare, which i will also refer to as “the evil empire” or “the red army.”
i also get to race for the george washington university, because i am a graduate student there. because the mascot is the “colonials,” we race exclusively in breeches, period-correct outer coats, and tricorner helmets.
ANON: WELL IF THEY SO EVLIS WHY IS YOU RIDIGN FOR THEY??? YOU ARE STILL IN SCHOOLS HOW OLD ARE YOU???
NVG: not actually evil. there are just a ton of riders on the team.
i am a 2nd-year law student at GW, which makes me almost a lawyer, which may make me actually evil in and of itself.
ANON: OH OK I DONESTN UNDERSTANTH BUT ANYWAYS DO YOU HALF A GOAL FOR THIS YEAR NOW??
NVG: yes: win every sprint night and group ride, and drop every fred, and set the fastest first-lap time in every crit. all while looking the most pro and consuming the most espresso and black coffee. also, further develop my pedalstroke that i may ride with a “supple” cadence.
NVG: also, ride all the sand pits (i am serious about these sand pits)
ANON: HOW IS A FIRTS RACIEGNS OF A YEAR GO SO FAR???
NVG: it’s been up and down. i came in second in a crit and have been time-trialing with the intensity of an angry bear, but i suffered a few crashes and rough days. i had been having some nutritional issues - bonking in races that didn’t run along a stream so i could reach down and claw some fish out of the water – but i think i have got it sorted out. also, after a month of racing, i upgraded to collegiate A, which is pretty exciting – moving up to the big-time and all.
all in all, no complaints, and i am excited for the spring and summer and riding fast.
have you been racing yet?
ANON: ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ YOU IS BOORIGN ME!!!!!!!!
NVG: let me give you the statistics
weeks racing: 5
tires destroyed: 2
crashes: 2
bloody handlebars: 1
bears wrestled into submission: 2
podium finishes: 1
competitiors burst into flame through sheer power of will: 6
bottles full of diesel drank to provide power boosts: 8
banana peels left on the course, mario kart-style: 4
bizarre drug-themed restaurants eaten at: 1
mean-mugs dispensed: infinite
ANON: I THINKIGN YOU IS TRYIGN TO BE A BRAGGS NOW!!!!>??
NVG: nah. i got pretty roundly smoked this past weekend. i am not actually all that good at racing my bike, i just like trying to look pro.
ANON: OH I KNOWIGN HOW THAT DOES!!!!!
HOKAY TAHTS A INNERFEIW NOW GO DOIGN TEH NEEDFUL ADN LEAFIGN!!!! PLAES REMAMBER TO FOLLOW ME ON TWIPPLER @ANONCX ADN ASLO IF YUO WANTIGN A GOOT BOERIGN OEN YUO CAN SEE @NICKVSGRAVITY!!
OK NOW BYEEEE!!!!
